{"id":9115,"date":"2023-01-16T20:53:04","date_gmt":"2023-01-16T20:53:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/?p=9115"},"modified":"2023-01-16T21:11:28","modified_gmt":"2023-01-16T21:11:28","slug":"i-hold-my-breath","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/i-hold-my-breath\/","title":{"rendered":"I Hold My Breath"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Journal page, Drozda<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n

As the outside world grows less dependable, <\/em><\/span>
\nI keep buttressing my inside world, <\/em><\/span>
\nwhere people go on meaning well and surprising <\/em><\/span>
\nother people with little touches of grace.
\n<\/em><\/span>
\nAnne Tyler<\/a><\/span><\/h4>\n<\/blockquote>\n

 <\/p>\n

I’ve been holding my breath. It’s a shocking truth and it’s still hard to wrap my head around. Off and on, since a series of events last spring, I have been a scared rabbit breathing high and shallow.<\/h4>\n

It was a shock to find out that I was forgetting to breathe. Then I had to get real regarding the ripple effects: confusion, anger, embarrassment, and shame. Situations make it clear that I had a big ol’ blindspot! Within weeks it became time for it to be known.<\/h4>\n

My mentor, Alice, helped guide me for more than two decades. She helped me learn that we are challenged to grow right up until our last breath. Her life demonstrated that the lessons don’t necessarily get easier. I didn’t want to know that. I figured I had already endured enough of the hard\/bad stuff.<\/h4>\n

Then: Alice died suddenly. She was on the earth and then she was gone. A large manilla envelope had arrived four days earlier, before the phone call. In the envelope was a long hand-written letter along with four of Alice’s ‘watercolor poem’ paintings. A few days passed and then a phone call from a friend told me that Alice did not survive the accident on a long dark dirt road in New Mexico. She was on her way to meet up with a group of friends for a chanting session. The small Toyota pickup truck that her husband, Larry, was driving struck a rock, rolled, and killed my dear one instantly.<\/h4>\n

Everybody dies, yet it is shocking. Take a deep breath.<\/h4>\n

As of this past spring, when three specific events happened, I had stopped breathing deeply. I didn’t know. I certainly didn’t know that I generally stop breathing when confronted. I didn’t yet realize that I stop breathing when challenged. I hadn’t yet learned that I stop breathing when scared. It would be a long time before I learned that I stop breathing when surprised.<\/h4>\n

My yoga practice began when I was 22 years old. I am grateful, faithful, and disciplined.
\nMost mornings I practice filling my lungs with air. I love alternate nostril breathing, deep abdominal breathing, and Yoga Nidra<\/a>.<\/h4>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

I have invested in scores of healing breath and bodywork sessions. I understand the need to fill the chest cavity deep and wide visualizing the lungs as if they are brown paper lunch bags being filled completely. Yet off the mat, away from class, I didn’t realize that I often default to the shallow, top-of-lungs, fear-based air intake of a cornered small animal. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Truth be told this pattern may very well have been with me forever. I was one of those ‘blue babies’\u00a0 whisked away to incubation at birth. Mother often told me that she slept with me on her chest for my first 18 months so that she could provide me with additional warmth.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

I recall standing in the dark of my Wren House living room at 3 am. It was summer and suddenly a fox streaked across the dark and shadowy lawn. Moments later a large dog ran through in hot pursuit. It was a striking image that has never left me. I recognize that life-threatening moment.<\/h4>\n

It is as if I have been chased.
\nIt is as if I am being pursued.
\nI feel wary.
\nI wonder what’s around the corner?<\/span><\/h4>\n

An internal switch definitely tripped last spring. I panicked. I started wondering. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Wondering, always wondering. When will the other shoe drop?<\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0I am consciously noticing<\/span>
\nonce again.<\/span><\/h4>\n

I catch my breath.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Gasp.<\/span><\/h4>\n

For air.<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

I have been sinking deep into my faith that life works while at the same time balancing this current inquiry:<\/span><\/h4>\n

How can life work?<\/span><\/h4>\n

Can life be trusted?<\/span><\/h4>\n

These are not questions that are mine alone to ask.\u00a0 From the winter solstice to the spring equinox each year <\/span>there is time <\/span>for reflection.\u00a0 In Buddhist teachings, this mystical segment of the year, which includes the Lunar New Year, becomes a time for reclaiming our True Nature<\/strong>. (Here’s a timely review<\/a>)<\/span><\/h4>\n

Time to reclaim your Real Self<\/strong>.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Own your breath.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Breath in your L<\/span>ife-force.<\/h4>\n

I’m excited to be on the other side of my recent dilemma. I’m glad to be in sync with my breath once again. The journey has been uncomfortable and difficult. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Now I feel the increase of Life Force and the possibility of moving forward breathing in and breathing out with focus and intent. That awareness will make this long breathless slog pay dividends.<\/span><\/h4>\n

I’m excited, too, that I will be making an announcement in the coming weeks about ways that you and I can work together to create what I currently refer to as ‘The Art of Creating the Future<\/em><\/strong>‘. <\/span><\/h4>\n

I know that I am not alone in having had trauma\/drama triggers ignite in the past while. We’ve been through a lot together.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

I feel a wonderful creative leap taking place for each of us. It will be (take a deep breath) a joy to share this breakthrough potential with you.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Until then, here’s a bit of homework:<\/span><\/h4>\n

Consider your inner strength.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Consider the simple things that sustain you.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Consider the brilliance of your current fondest dream. <\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

And Breathe.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

Take an action and share your findings here in the comments, or in the privacy of your journal. <\/span>
\nShare with us, or at least tell yourself, what simple strength have you cultivated? What seeds did you plant last spring? Will you bring the fruits of your labor and a current deep belief in yourself into the weeks ahead?<\/span><\/h4>\n

February 2 is our cross-quarter day, the midpoint of winter, we will be calling our strength parts forward and clearing the path. We will advance. This is the global Vision Quest Year. Every ten years we come to the point in the Creative Energy patterns where we can place our focus on overcoming the challenges and obstacles that jump out of the bushes to scare us.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

Let’s explore together the Light on the other side of these dark, and necessary, default patterns …
\n<\/span>the challenge holds the solution.<\/h4>\n

Good to hear from you
\n~ Iona<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Journal page, Drozda   As the outside world grows less dependable, I keep buttressing my inside world, where people go on meaning well and surprising other people with little touches of grace. Anne Tyler   I’ve been holding my breath. It’s a shocking truth and it’s still hard to wrap my head around. Off and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[36,193,2,183],"tags":[407,409,38,16,30,184,408],"class_list":["post-9115","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-artlife","category-creative-life","category-natural-time-management","category-voluntary-simplicity","tag-ann-tyler","tag-lizz-hill","tag-natural-time-management","tag-slow-time","tag-starting-over","tag-voluntary-simplicity","tag-yoga-nidra"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6htPT-2n1","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9115","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9115"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9115\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9142,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9115\/revisions\/9142"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9115"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9115"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9115"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}