{"id":8195,"date":"2020-06-04T15:07:05","date_gmt":"2020-06-04T15:07:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/?p=8195"},"modified":"2020-06-04T15:07:05","modified_gmt":"2020-06-04T15:07:05","slug":"to-care-to-be-fair-to-be-humble","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/to-care-to-be-fair-to-be-humble\/","title":{"rendered":"To Care, To Be Fair, To Be Humble"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/h4>\n

Dear Readers,<\/h4>\n

This week, June 8, marks the 52nd anniversary of my son’s birth. The night yard will be filled with fireflies dazzling my eye as I recall the magic and the miracle of all that life brings. We are surrounded by what in Buddhism we learn to see as the ‘sorrowful-joy’ and the ‘joyful-sorrow’.<\/h4>\n

As I scribe this chapter our country is in a full-on breaking point. A deep fissure being called a double pandemic of an invisible virus and a buried racial inequality erupting. I find myself enraged by and also mourning our inhumanity. At the same time, I feel my heart open and expand seeing demonstrations of our better nature. I recognize the opportunity to sow seeds of positive growth. This is a perfect storm.<\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

The highest end of government <\/em><\/span>
\nis the culture of men; <\/em><\/span>
\nand that if men can be educated, <\/em><\/span>
\nthe institutions will share their improvement <\/em><\/span>
\nand the moral sentiment will write the law of the land.<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

Emerson<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

I travel with the band to northern Michigan. The old school bus feels to me like a moving island. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Being in the company of this happy group of artists singing their songs as the miles flow brings me calm.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

All is well.<\/span><\/h4>\n

The voices of L, her boyfriend, and the others drift in from the seats near the front door. The manager takes his turn driving. The group communicates mostly with guitars and tambourines, singing.<\/span><\/h4>\n

I nap and when my eyes flutter open, I gaze out the window, I eagerly explore the words and ideas in my gift of the Tao te Ching<\/u><\/em>.<\/span><\/h4>\n

13<\/span><\/h4>\n

Favor and disfavor have been called equal worries,
\nSuccess and failure have been called equal ailments.
\nHow can favor and disfavor be called equal worries?
\nBecause winning favor burdens a man
\nWith the fear of losing it.
\nHow can success and failure be called equal ailments?
\nBecause a man thinks of the personal body as self.
\nWhen he no longer thinks of the personal body as self
\nNeither failure nor success can ail him.
\nOne who knows his lot to be the lot of all other men
\nIs a safe man to guide them,
\nOne who recognizes all men as members of his own body
\nIs a sound man to guard them.<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

49<\/span><\/h4>\n

A sound man\u2019s heart is not shut within itself
\nBut is open to other people\u2019s hearts:
\nI find good people good,
\nAnd I find bad people good
\nIf I am good enough;
\nI trust men of their word,
\nAnd I trust liars
\nIf I am true enough;
\nI feel the heart-beats of others
\nAbove my own
\nIf I am enough of a father,
\nEnough of a son.<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

67<\/span><\/h4>\n

Everyone says that my way of life is the way of a
\nsimpleton.
\nBeing largely the way of a simpleton is what makes it
\nworthwhile.
\nIf it were not the way of a simpleton
\nIt would long ago have been worthless,
\nThese possessions of a simpleton being the three I
\nchoose
\nAnd cherish;
\nTo care,
\nTo be fair,
\nTo be humble.
\nWhen a man cares he is unafraid,
\nWhen he is fair he leaves enough for others,
\nWhen he is humble he can grow;
\nWhereas if, like men of today, he be bold without
\ncaring,
\nSelf-indulgent without sharing,
\nSelf-important without shame,
\nHe is dead.
\nThe invincible shield
\nOf caring
\nIs a weapon from the sky
\nAgainst being dead.<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

I do not pretend to understand the meaning of the verses. I read and then read again. I choose one sentence and stay with it for mile after mile.<\/span><\/h4>\n

When a man cares he is unafraid,
\nWhen he is fair he leaves enough for others,<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

The bus pulls into a small town for gasoline. <\/span>I have a delicate need. The shirt that L has loaned to me helps to hide the fact that m<\/span>y halter top stays wet. My engorged breasts are painful and they continue to leak. I feel the need for comfort and the protection\/containment of wearing a bra. It has not yet been six weeks since I relinquished the infant and \u2018returned from Chicago\u2019. My body is very different now. I ask L if she will loan me the money and the manager if he will give me the time. He drives down the only street that goes through the middle of the nearly abandoned downtown. He pulls up across the road from a dingy store on Main Street. It is, of all things, a lingerie shop.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

The two dusty front windows of the store hold cracked and chipped mannequins, one on each side of the set-back entrance. From the bus L and the band watch. I keep looking back at them as they encourage me to go ahead, go on in. The mannequins wear wigs from another era set at odd angles; the curved wave of a page boy is skewed over the right eye of the one <\/span>wearing the floor-length satin nightgown in my favorite color, magenta. <\/span>The other plaster model is in a nude beige satin gown, lace bordering the neck and hem. Chipped toes on bare feet. \u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

I step back in time. A tiny brass bell tinkles as I enter. A curtain in the back-right corner moves gently to one side. I hear a bit of rustling around and then a woman dressed in a khaki shirtwaist dress, stiff and wood-like steps out from behind the drape. Her wig is also a bit off-kilter.<\/span><\/h4>\n

She inspects me. I feel like a suspect. She watched me exit the yellow bus. She sees the movement of the others. They wait for me. She watched me crossing the street. She watched me coming toward her store. She looks over my shoulder as if she is expecting someone to join me.\u00a0 Does she think I came to rob her?\u00a0 Does she think I came into her store to ruin her day? \u00a0She nods, coldly, \u201cMay I help you?\u201d<\/span><\/h4>\n

My embarrassment escalates. I want to run. Instead, I say thank you, yes, I need a bra. She looks relieved that I am not needing her bathroom. She clears her throat. She inspects me again and points to the circular metal rack wedged in between the silky-satin baby doll pajamas rack and chenille bed jackets display. There is a lot of inventory in this little store. From my dress shop days, I can see that she is carrying more stock than space comfortably allows. I push between the racks and wedge myself in front of the undergarments. The movable circular display is packed too tight. The rack will not turn. Reluctantly I ask for her help.<\/span><\/h4>\n

How do I make the right choice? My body is so very different now. She sends me into the fitting room. My breasts tender swelled and leaking. I am shy and feeling extremely nervous as she places the tape measure over my shoulders and then around my ribcage. She returns a few minutes later, her fingers delicately balancing six or eight small hangers. She’s done this before. Her manner completely changes now that she sees me standing, undressed in this tiny enclosed space with the triple mirrors, her focus becomes tender. <\/span><\/h4>\n

She helps me. <\/span><\/h4>\n

She talks me through the correct way to place my swollen breasts into the cups. Her fingers are warm, she adjusts the straps with a lift and some tugs; she smiles kindly chatting as she checks the fit. She asks me a few discreet questions about my age and where I, and the others, are heading. She may be suspicious yet she is also caring. She reminds me of my boss at the dress shop, a good mother, a kind of guiding force. I wear my purchase. After she takes my payment and closes the drawer she steps out from behind her engraved brass cash register. She places a firm hand on my shoulder as I turn to leave. She reminds me to, wash my undergarments each night by hand using a gentle soap, like Ivory soapflakes. We smile at one another.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

I return to the bus, so very shy, yet with a bit more security, feeling less exposed.<\/span><\/h4>\n

The next two days while the band performs several sets to a packed house I stay on the bus reading and sleeping. Being inside the club with so much noise and people feels uncomfortable. I need quiet. <\/span>The book draws me in. I make small pencil illustrations beside my favorites verses.<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

56<\/span><\/h4>\n

Those who know do not tell,
\nThose who tell do not know,
\nNot to set the tongue loose
\nBut to curb it,
\nNot to have edges that catch
\nBut to remain untangled,
\nUnblinded,
\nUnconfused,
\nIs to find balance,
\nAnd he who holds balance beyond sway of love or hate,
\nBeyond reach of profit or loss,
\nBeyond care of praise or blame,
\nHas attained the highest post in the world.<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

24<\/span><\/h4>\n

Standing tiptoe a man loses balance,
\nWalking astride he has no pace,
\nKindling himself he fails to light,
\nAcquitting himself he forfeits his hearers,
\nAdmiring himself he does so alone.
\nPride has never brought a man greatness
\nBut, according to the way of life,
\nBrings the ills that make him unfit,
\nMake him unclean in the eyes of his neighbor,
\nAnd a sane man will have none of them<\/em>.<\/span><\/h4>\n

38<\/span><\/h4>\n

A man of sure fitness, without making a point of his
\nfitness,
\nStays fit;
\nA man of unsure fitness, assuming an appearance of
\nfitness,
\nBecomes unfit.
\nThe man of sure fitness never makes an act of it
\nNor considers what it may profit him;
\nThe man of unsure fitness make an act of it
\nAnd considers what it may profit him.
\nHowever a man with a kind heart proceed,
\nHe forgets what it may profit him:
\nHowever a man with a just mind proceed,
\nHe remembers what it may profit him;
\nHowever a man of conventional conduct proceed, if he
\nbe now complied with
\nOut goes his fist to enforce compliance.
\nHere is what happens:
\nLosing the way of life, men rely first on their fitness;
\nLosing fitness, they turn to kindness;
\nLosing kindness, they turn to justness;
\nLosing justness, they turn to convention.<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

Conventions are fealty and honesty gone to waste,
\nThey are the entrance of disorder.
\nFalse teachers of life use flowery words
\nAnd start nonsense.
\nThe man of stamina stays with the root
\nBelow the tapering,
\nStays with the fruit
\nBeyond the flowering:
\nHe has his no and he has his yes. <\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/h4>\n

The words of the Tao te Ching<\/em> fill me with wonder. Verse by verse I am compelled and carried into a new world. The manager invited me to talk about the book when we return to The Farm. I\u2019m excited by the thought of sitting with him, asking questions.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

I lean my head against the cool glass watching the countryside whisk by as we return to The Farm.<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Readers, This week, June 8, marks the 52nd anniversary of my son’s birth. The night yard will be filled with fireflies dazzling my eye as I recall the magic and the miracle of all that life brings. We are surrounded by what in Buddhism we learn to see as the ‘sorrowful-joy’ and the ‘joyful-sorrow’. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[36,193,3,32,289,183],"tags":[283,311,268,286],"class_list":["post-8195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-artlife","category-creative-life","category-slow-time","category-starting-over","category-traumatic-injury","category-voluntary-simplicity","tag-emerson","tag-tao-te-ching","tag-trauma","tag-traumatic-healing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6htPT-28b","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8195","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8195"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8195\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":8202,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8195\/revisions\/8202"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8195"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8195"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8195"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}