{"id":7932,"date":"2020-01-23T16:45:42","date_gmt":"2020-01-23T16:45:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/?p=7932"},"modified":"2020-01-24T13:39:45","modified_gmt":"2020-01-24T13:39:45","slug":"failure-in-my-bones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/failure-in-my-bones\/","title":{"rendered":"Failure in My Bones"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was telling myself to calm down. <\/span><\/h4>\n

I was paying attention to the way that I talk to myself. <\/span><\/h4>\n

I could tell this experience was different.<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/h4>\n

I\u2019m sharing a personal story of recovery.<\/span><\/h4>\n

This is what occurred as a result of my earthquake experience. I acknowledge and respect the fact that real earthquakes around the planet have devastated and upset lives in complete and catastrophic ways. I’m not comparing. I learned long ago through Buddha\u2019s teachings that things fall apart. Life gets messy.\u00a0 Comparing creates confusion. Confusion is the cause of all suffering.<\/span><\/h4>\n

My earthquake; here’s the first post<\/a>, happened on my father\u2019s birth date: December 6. In 2018. Within seconds of shattering everything changed.<\/span><\/h4>\n

In these posts, I am describing the impact and the unfolding of the healing process that came as a result. I intend to bring forward, with my small brush and pickax in hand, the gold discovered. I intend to share the gifts that were uncovered during the physical, emotional and intuitive aspects of this journey. I believe and I have proof, that we can all be The Alchemist and transmute the heavy-dense-lead within to shimmering- brilliant- inner gold. Not easy at the start, that’s a given, just don’t give up. Just be unstoppable.<\/span><\/h4>\n

As a woman artist, I\u2019ve walked seventy-one times around the \u2018Medicine Wheel of My Precious Human Life\u2019. <\/span><\/h4>\n

These are the themes I explore: <\/span><\/h4>\n

1) beauty, goodness and fresh ways to express our True Nature from the womb to tomb.<\/span><\/h4>\n

2) vulnerability as true strength supporting us to release suffering and the causes of suffering. Scared\/Sacred.<\/span><\/h4>\n

3) recognize that we are \u2018each and all endangered until we put an end to anger:
\ntaking positive action. Endanger\/End-anger. <\/span><\/h4>\n

These three primary themes turn me toward my Creative Vision: <\/span><\/h4>\n

‘Making Life the Master-Peace’<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

I believe that we are designed to grow and evolve together. I believe that we can uplift and support one another in a shared journey from the shore of birth to the shore of death. <\/span><\/h4>\n

I practice the art of record keeping, journaling consistently since 1969. One of my first entries recorded my commitment to ‘communication as the most important thing’<\/em>. <\/span><\/h4>\n

In 1970 I was working in a small boutique. A book fell off the shelf. It struck my foot and got my attention. I purchased the book, and still have it. <\/span><\/h4>\n

I scribed a poem, copied from Introduction to Yoga Principles and Practices<\/em> by Sachindra Kumar Majumdar:<\/span><\/h4>\n

Save the self by the Self.<\/span>
\nNever upset the self.<\/span>
\nThe Self is the only friend of self.<\/span>
\nThe self is the only enemy of Self.<\/span><\/h4>\n

I became dedicated to learning the way of life that yoga offered. Many underlined passages helped me think differently and to start to change my behaviors, thoughts, values, and beliefs. Slowly, over time I was able to find some inner balance. I had a long road ahead. I required many Next Steps. I underlined this passage and took it to heart. <\/span><\/h4>\n

YOGA IS AWAKENING<\/em>\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

Yoga is the process of deconditioning the Self.
\n<\/span>It can also be described as a process of dehypnotization.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n


\nMankind lives in a general condition of hypnosis or make-believe.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n


\nWe take ourselves for what we are not and
\nwe take things around us for what they only seem to be.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n


\nWe project traits, conditions and qualities
\nupon Self and nature that do not belong…<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n


\nit is illusion which creates fear and bondage
\n<\/span><\/em>_ a hypnotic condition.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n


\nWe are asleep on the plane of the spirit.
\nThat is why samadhi is called Awakening.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

After returning from the ER, following the 2018 earthquake, BD helped me by making a space for me to cocoon and begin my healing process.\u00a0 My body was experiencing an overall shock. Things were arranged so that I was able to reach my left rather than my customary right side of the bed. I had a deep need for rest.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

For-rest<\/span><\/h4>\n

Forrest<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

The day after the fall, using my non-dominant hand, I copy<\/span>\u00a0this passage from a book on my e-reader:<\/span><\/h4>\n

You need to expect the unexpected to embrace it.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n

That the things in life that don\u2019t go as planned are usually more important,<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n

more formative in the long run than the things that do.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n

The best way, I am to discover, is not always the easy way.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n

I Am, I Am, I Am<\/u><\/em> by Maggie O\u2019 Farrel<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

Later in the afternoon:<\/span><\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/h4>\n

December 7, 2018, Journal entry, non-dominate hand, Drozda<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

Calm down. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Listen. <\/span><\/h4>\n

How am I talking to myself?\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

I needed to \u2018get a grip\u2019. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Fear bubbling up all around my edges. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Every fiber of my being tightening up.<\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0\u2018tense-mode\u2019<\/span><\/h4>\n

Intense<\/span><\/h4>\n

My day went from light-dazzling-off-the-surface-of-the-water-sunny-and-bright to the earth opening up, grabbing my ankle, smashing me full force to the ground.<\/span><\/h4>\n

The first week was little more than excruciating pain. <\/span><\/h4>\n

The slightest touch\/movement and I’d cry-out. <\/span><\/h4>\n

I scared BD. <\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

Fear<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

Calm down.<\/span><\/h4>\n

<\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/h4>\n

December 7, 2018, Journal entry, non-dominate hand, Drozda<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/h4>\n

I sat in bed wondering. <\/span><\/h4>\n

\u2018Was there another time when I shouldered a burden of this great a magnitude?\u2019 <\/span><\/h4>\n

Listen.\"\"<\/span><\/h4>\n

Yes. 1967 and 1968.<\/span><\/h4>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Deep breath<\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0Doctor Robert Perchan. One of my heaven-sent <\/span>sponsors tells me <\/span>in the fall of 1968<\/span>:<\/span><\/h4>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re pregnant.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

Fast forward through the year of being made invisible, I\u2019m back in his office. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Things have gone from bad to much worse.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Broken. Shattered.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

He speaks softly, gently saying that he will be writing a prescription to treat depression. <\/span><\/h4>\n

The Voice\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

Not the first time within this tumultuous year that It <\/span>rises from my core:<\/span><\/h4>\n

clear, plain and fierce <\/span>speaking on my behalf:\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

\u201cNO<\/strong>!\u201d <\/span><\/h4>\n

I look him in the eye. \u201cNo! Don\u2019t you dare<\/strong> write down that I am depressed!<\/strong> Don\u2019t you dare label me depressed! Do not put that word into my records! Don’t you decide to make that a part of who I am! I\u2019ve been through a lot. Anyone who has been through something like this would need some time. I am not depressed!\u201d<\/span><\/h4>\n

He sets down the clipboard. He sizes me up. This is the second time he has seen me. I’m broken. Silence. I sit on the edge of the examination table covered by the soft green cotton gown. He’s completed the internal exam. He’s informed me of the STD. Now I’m sterile. Tubes of ointment. A scrawled prescription for antibiotics. <\/span><\/h4>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll be back in a minute,\u201d he says as he<\/span>\u00a0leaves the room. <\/span><\/h4>\n

\u00a0Numb. <\/span><\/h4>\n

The Voice surprised me. <\/span><\/h4>\n

Now what?<\/span><\/h4>\n

I must keep moving. Don’t give up. Don’t fold up. I have no idea what next.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

Dr. Perchan returns. Approaching the exam table he extends his hand. I accept his gift, a small paperback book. Thank you. His gentle soft gaze is a balm.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

He speaks to me like a good father. He says, \u201cI don\u2019t want you to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Read this. It will help you.” <\/span><\/h4>\n

The introduction gives me this awareness:<\/span><\/h4>\n

“I was carrying this feeling of failure in my bones.”<\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n

I’m young and inexperienced. Years later I am able to identify the generosity. He presented a lifeline. Now sitting in bed, once again shattered I’m curious to see if there is anything about this book\/talisman available online. I Google the title: Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz.<\/span><\/h4>\n

I watch <\/span>some old grainy TV interviews onYouTube. I’m awestruck to see the man who taught me to ‘give myself a spiritual face-lift’. I download the book to my e-reader settling in and imagining my nineteen-year-old kid-self being offered such good fortune. I read and re-read the book over the months of repair and recovery continuously marveling at the power of the words on every page.<\/span><\/h4>\n

Within you, whoever you may be,
\n<\/span>regardless of how big a failure
\nyou may think yourself to be,
\nis the ability and the power
\nto do whatever you need to do
\nto be happy and successful.
\nWithin you right now is the
\npower to do things you never
\ndreamed possible. This power
\nbecomes available to you just as soon
\nas you can change your beliefs.
\nJust as quickly as you can dehyponotize
\nyourself from the ideas of “I can’t”,
\n“I’m not worthy,” “I don’t deserve it” and
\nother self-limiting ideas.<\/span><\/em><\/h4>\n

Psycho-Cybernetics<\/em> by Maxwell Maltz<\/span><\/h4>\n

My mother gave me a gift at age seven or eight. She knew I was struggling. She asked me to get a sheet of notepaper and, handing me a pen instructed me to write the letters:<\/span><\/h4>\n

C-A-N- ‘-T\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n

She then instructed me to ‘Cut off the T’. She actually did it for me so I could see the fluid movement of her hands tearing the paper so that the T floated to the floor between us. She then asked me to tell her ‘what’s left?’ <\/span>I reply:<\/span><\/h4>\n

‘C-A-N’<\/span><\/h4>\n

She suggests that I never forget that. <\/span><\/h4>\n

I’m on day two ‘after the earthquake’. H<\/span>ealing hints arrive and <\/span>I begin to Emerge n See.
\n<\/span><\/h4>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/h4>\n

December 8, 2018, Journal entry, non-dominate hand, Drozda<\/span><\/p>\n

Thanks for being here and for your comments.\u00a0 <\/span><\/h4>\n

We grow, heal and evolve together.\u00a0<\/span><\/h4>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was telling myself to calm down. I was paying attention to the way that I talk to myself. I could tell this experience was different. I\u2019m sharing a personal story of recovery. This is what occurred as a result of my earthquake experience. I acknowledge and respect the fact that real earthquakes around the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[167,36,79,193,99,206,32],"tags":[273,274,275,198,271,272,276,260],"class_list":["post-7932","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-act-iii","category-artlife","category-buddhism","category-creative-life","category-donna-iona-drozda","category-natural-energy-management","category-starting-over","tag-accident","tag-aging-as-saging","tag-bone-break","tag-buddhism","tag-healing","tag-injury","tag-osteoporosis","tag-yoga"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p6htPT-23W","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7932","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7932"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7932\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7951,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7932\/revisions\/7951"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7932"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7932"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.donnaionadrozda.com\/lifecycle\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7932"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}